My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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