I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm at about main and main street
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize