So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
