How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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