Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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