just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
