Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
