She said her name was "party"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
