my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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