i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
