You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
