I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
