Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize