so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
