I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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