I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
