the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He shit in the fireplace
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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