I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
