here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
