Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
