You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
