I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
