Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
