Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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