Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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