ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
