I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
