It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
