How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
