I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I just put wine in my tea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
