Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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