Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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