u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
