i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
