Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your dad touched me again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
