i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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