i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
