She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
