You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
