whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
