Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
