I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
