I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
