Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
