im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
