Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
