it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
