just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
