im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
