if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
