My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
