i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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