did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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