I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize