You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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