I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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