I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
