I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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