How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
