well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
