You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
