Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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