Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
