my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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