Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
