Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
