that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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