Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize